Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
