I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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