I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize