i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
