I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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