Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Randomize
