Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
