We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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