I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
