I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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