I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
