At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
please come you make the beer taste better
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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