I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Randomize
