i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize