I'm so fucking centered right now
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
