I am midnight drunk by noon
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
