Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Randomize
