can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize