so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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