So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Pants 0. Shit 1.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
