Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
