thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
