you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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