well you can't waste a boner
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
