it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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