the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize