haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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