PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
