WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
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