just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
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