ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
