we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
When did we convert life to cartoon?
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize