When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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