Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
