Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
