I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
