don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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