Nicole vs. Life
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
