Three words: puerto rican gang bang
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Randomize
