Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
