have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize