piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Randomize
