Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
