I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
