dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
