I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Randomize
