i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I need water and some morals
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
