It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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