MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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