I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Randomize
