She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Randomize
