Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
