Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
