Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
