i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
