She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Randomize
