So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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