Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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