I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
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