I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
