shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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