Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
