just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Randomize
