We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize