My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
