he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
