do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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