If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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