I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I'm just crazy horny about you
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Randomize