hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
