i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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