If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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