is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
