If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I deserve this hangover.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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