I think I am morally bankrupt
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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